Please, please, please I beg anyone reading this post to provide feedback. Rather it be positive or negative, I just need someone to hear me out and say something, anything.

I've recently discovered that my "newlywed" husband has a sexual addiction. In particular, an addiction to porn. I'm devastated. He told me that he has been "battling" this for years and it has nothing to do with me....like he expects me to just accept it. On the other hand, he has been threatening to leave me and becoming very angry and harsh when I have been refusing to let him touch me and when I have crying/angry outburts since I found out about his "secret". I asked him why would he choose a woman on a screen and his hand over my body. All he can say is "She was available and you were not". Then I ask him why would he choose to look at another woman when he could have just used my pictures online to please himself instead. His response "looking at your pictures makes me angry, I have tried it".

We have a very active sex life, and typically have sex twice a day, daily and are very physically affectionate. I like to dress up for him and we do things to make it "exciting" but still despite this, he chooses a woman on a screen. I feel like this is a form of cheating. Even worse, I feel totally betrayed, worthless and disgusting. What is wrong with me?? Why can't I please him? I'm shocked because I thought he was satisfied sexually. I keep thinking about all of the conversations we had (before I found out about this issue) in which he would express to me how beautiful he thought I was and how great our sex life was....but those all feel like lies now.

Some of you reading this may have seen my other posts in which I've shared my struggle with body image issues/anorexia etc. Knowing that he prefers a woman with plastic surgery/fake over my body makes me feel even worse. I'm afraid to eat now. I keep thinking if I stop eating I could lose the rest of the weight I need to lose and then he wouldnt go elsewhere for sex. :'( To make matters worse, since I lost so much weight (I've managed to fit into a size 0 and children's size clothing now) my breasts are very small. He MUST be going to another woman because I'm just a worthless fat cow with no breasts. What do I do now? Why is he not choosing me? Why does a woman on a screen win him? What do I do? I can't imagine ever letting him touch me again. I feel cheap, used and like a prostitute now. Even worse, at least a prostitute gets to be "chosen" and not second choice like me. Someone please tell me where to go now.