so, I did what I told myself I wasn't going to do. I called the substitute T.

in case not everyone in the world is up to speed on my personal dramas, my T is on vacation. She has another T in her practice covering for her, and this is someone I know and have talked to before. She actually co-facilitated the skills group for the first 6 mos I was in it, and the last time my T went on vacation (a year and a half ago, lol!) she covered for her.

ANYWAY...I went to the college today for new student day and to meet with my advisor. It was way, way WAY too much. I didn't want to go, but felt like I should. Plus I did want to meet the new human services advisor. But, ugh. There were so many people there and I didn't know where to go or what I was doing.

I walked through the building where they had all these tables set up with pamphlets and stuff and then went directly back out, walked to my car and had an anxiety attack. But I had to go back, for the advising thing.

So I called the not-T, and left her a message. I didn't actually speak to her but it was okay. I calmed down and went back in and met some other human services students and even made a friend who is also a knitter.

This is my point: I WAS OKAY. I didn't talk to T but I calmed myself down and I WAS OKAY. I calmed myself down.

And then I missed not-Ts return call, but she left me a very nice message and said she was concerned and she was checking in with me and to please call her back and let her know how I'm doing. I found myself thinking "wow, I wish T would say she's concerned. I wish T would ask me to call her back just to check in."

so that's my other point: it is interesting to see different T styles. I'm not saying she's better than my T, or vice versa. It was just interesting.

But mainly: I'm okay!