not-T just called me and we had a nice conversation. I filled her in on what happened today and that I was able to deal with it myself.

I also talked to her very briefly about the issue regarding the funding for me to continue in therapy and I guess I really wanted to hear her say something like don't worry about it, you won't get kicked out of T, but of course she didn't say that and now I'm just stuck sitting here with all these abandonment triggers going off.

I really really wish I could just talk to my T and have her tell me it's going to work out. It's a loooong time until Monday when I see her again. I guess I do see my case manager again on Thurs so I may get more information then, but it might not be good news.

I just want to know that I can see T for as long as I want to and that T could be the one thing I won't have to lose. I've lost so much, I've lost my children and my family and my siblings and my parents and...I just wish I could know, really know, that I won't lose T too. It doesn't feel good.