Sannah: I'm not in therapy currently, but after writing that post I did look into the health center services at my school... and wouldn't you know it, in the twist of the century, the one mental health professional/therapist at school is the father of the girl who triggers me.
I am still considering looking into therapy elsewhere, but any place outside of school is probably going to be really expensive. There's also the matter of me not having a job and still relying pretty fully on my mom's expenses, and I'm not totally ready to let my mom know that I need help... actually I'm not totally ready to admit to myself that I need help.
My first experience with therapy in middle school left a pretty bad taste in my mouth. I know that was just one case with one person, but I really didn't like what was becoming of me at that time of my life. I was not open to changing things, and I don't think much has changed for me in that aspect. It's weird; I don't want help, I just want to be better. But sometimes I don't even want to be better.
I did make it through last night without acting on my urges, and it doesn't feel like tonight is going to be one of those nights, so I think I'm okay for the time being.