((((((((((Purplechick))))))))))
Seeing these words that you've posted breaks my heart. I've been where you are and felt like there was nothing for me...it could very well be one of the worst feelings there is! For me, ECT has been my solution and is helping quite a bit. If T and meds aren't quite doing the job, would you be willing to try different methods, such as exercise, meditation, etc...?

I hope you are feeling better soon.