it's hard when you are feeling ok, even good, for a while and then you hear 'are you ok? you don't seem yourself..'

then all kinds of things go through my head. 'why could that be? are you just saying that because i seem less shaky? is it because i'm distant/vacant?' sometimes it scares me and i frantically start to recall 'how' i've been acting. where am i mentally? what's going on in my head? and everything seems blank and i realize i've been walking around in a fog.

i met a girl in my head. and my husband met her too. she has been quiet since that night and it has me wondering 'was it a fluke? some weird isolated incident?' but it doesn't feel like she's gone. just quiet. no flashes in my mind of bad things happening.

though last night, every time i started drifting off to sleep, i could hear screaming.

this week i'm feeling more ok than not ok. almost normal. but it's still only almost. and when my kids start going nuts i end up having a screaming fit and start avoiding them again. i'm trying hard to be nice to them, but i just want them to go away most of the time.

still, it has been better than last week. maybe i'm getting better?