belbel, I am soooooo sorry to hear all that yu have written. (((( hugs for you ))))) I can only think of one thing as a possible lifeline to caring people right now. come here often. Feel the caring love. Feel the community. Hopefully it will help. I know it has helped many. I know its not an answer for irl, but at least its here and the overwhelming majority of people are supportive. Safe hugs for your wonderful self