Hey Aman. I am sorry for your pain. Sounds huge. And its not your fault. But of course getting help may be your responsability. Have you thought about psychotherpy and getting on some good meds? For some, ney many, people its a life saver. You deserve to feel good about who you are. Have you seen a pdoc to see if meds would help? And are you in therapy to try to figure out how to heal whatever is going on??? hey, you deserve that !!!!!!!!