I'm having such a bad day today. I don't even know what's wrong, I can't look inside and try to figure out what I need or what I want or what will help. When I do, all I can think about is SI. I keep trying NOT to think about it, which of course doesn't work and pushing it away every time it comes up seems not only ineffective but...sort of, dishonest? Like I'm not being true to myself or validating my own feelings when I just keep pushing it away. And of course it comes back harder each time.

but I also don't want to attend to those urges. I don't want to think too much about it because it will make me want to do it. I know this about me.

I just feel like I'm climbing a tree to get away from the wind.