I realised again today how much I miss my Grandma.

She died over ten years ago. Never knew my youngest. I was just pregnant with her when we found out Grandma had cancer. I told her - she was the first person we told. I think she knew then she would never meet the baby I was carrying.
My elder daughter has no memory of her. I tell her how much her great grandma loved her.
I was so much closer to my grandma than I ever have been to my mum. That makes me feel really guilty sometimes, but Grandma gave me the unconditional love that I didn't realise at the time was lacking from my mum. I knew then, as I know now, that nothing I could ever do would stop Grandma from loving me.
At her funeral, the vicar referred to Grandma as "Connie Barnabus" - because she always found good things to say, she was such an encourager.
I was talking today and suddenly was overwhelmed with such a wave of loss, such an emptiness. I miss her so much.

Caroline