Foolish,
I'll be honest and say that I had decided not to reply to any of your posts but after reading this one I want to.
I understand how you feel about taking anti depressants. I want to share my experience with you.
I am currently taking Paxil which I fought taking for a long time. "I can do this on my own". Finally after being so tired of being so tired and tired of seriously considering killing myself I tried it and I am glad I did.

It does has it's draw backs but I will say that after the initial adjustment period I was thinking MORE clearly. I was able to think things thru and make decisions based on rational thought and my real feelings not thoughts or feelings caused by depression. If I got mad or upset it wasn't because I was in a [censored] mood or inbalanced but now when I get mad I have control and I feel what I feel for a reason. Make any sense? Depression can make people lash out when they don't mean to and make you over react to things. IT can make you blow things out of purportion.

I haven't lost my creative side and I am more able to use those gifts because I feel better and more motivated. I haven't lost my bluntness or honesty and am able to express it better. I am NOT happy go lucky. I never have been that way but stable and just ok. I am able to enjoy laughs and things like I used to when I am given the opportunity.

Maybe you wnat to stay depressed because it's the only way you know. It's how you feel comfortable. In time you could learn a better, happier way of life and get used to that. I am not by any means saying I am cured. A pill is not magic. I ahve to work on things in my life that are causing the depression. Being on the meds helps me to focus and be able to see things better and I am more motivated to make the changes I need to. I still think about wanting to die but I don't plan out my death anymore.

Hope this helps. Just wanted to give you another perspective.
Heidu

There is a time in life when you stop existing and start living.
There is a time in life when you are given a new chance and new dreams.
There is a time in life when the old is to be forgotten and the new embraced.

There is a time in life......And that time is now.
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