its not the issue of being face to face, or their reactions, or anything like that. its the fact that i hate the idea of having them being a part of my life because of this, when for everything else in my life i want them out. except my dad cuz hes a boss lol. but i would never talk to him about anything serious. the eating thing is weird, as today i ate over twice as much as my normal one meal (sandwish and a fruit cup) and had that plus a muffin, 4 packages of instant oatmeal, and plenty of mac n cheese. im really hoping my lil binge doesnt come back to haunt me tomorrow.... im not feeling sick yet though, which is a pretty good sign. i just really want to be able to go day to day feeling happy. like, sure i feel happy alot, but its not that internal *everything is great and im loving life* happy, its that *oh something funnyhappened* or *i had a good time doing an activity today* kind of happy. not nearly as pleasureable and it isnt at all perminent. i have noticed that marijuama is an amazing anti depressent though. i dont know what the views on pot are for the people on this forum, but ive found it to work wonders the few times ive smoked