Sounds to me like feeling so hostile is really bothering you. If you've been mistreated a lot, and perhaps don't assert yourself well (I saw AVPD on your profile - I have some of those traits also) the feelings can build up and cause a person to become very defensive while still not voicing their needs. I've found it helpful to talk to a therapist, challenge myself WHY those defensive systems are working so strongly, and talk to people here a lot. Share how you are feeling and get some validation for those feelings. It makes me feel a lot better.