I have only been on site for 2 days but feel so much relief when I can share my thoughts feelings on here.
I just want to know how does one cope with the death (for whatever reason) of someone that was so close to you.
My sister shot herself 3 years ago. It was the day before her birthday. The day before my brothers daughters wedding. We were so close we spoke almost daily although we were in different towns. On the Tues she sms'd saying "hello stranger" and I was busy at work and I said I'd call her back and I never did. Did this influence what she did. Could I have stopped it. Her husband held the phone to her ear at about 10pm and I said goodbye. She died at 1 in the morning and for some reason my family only phoned me at 7am. I am still angry about that. I was the closest to her. I wanted to go say goodbye for closure in the morgue but my family wouldn't let me. I regret that to this day. I miss her so much. Not a second of a day goes by without me thinking about her.

Is it normal to still feel so totally devasted by her death 3 years on? I still sms her. I still pick up the phone when I see a horse I like etc and then think "she's gone I will NEVER speak to her again". How does one come to terms with that.