I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk about this anymore here, since my first thread was closed, but I'm sure someone will tell me.

Yesterday I told the married guy who I was falling in love with, that we can't see eachother anymore, because I can't handle my jealousy and the pain that it causes. Saying this felt like sticking a knife to my own heart, and he was absolutely devastated too. I'm in so much pain right now! Mostly because I know I hurt him by pulling the carpet from under his feet like that. He understood my reason to do so though, because he has said (after the previous thread was closed) that he would never leave his wife and couldn't even imagine sharing his life with anyone else. (His wife DOES know he's been hanging out with me, btw). We had become really close friends, and he said he is crushed that he's gonna lose it like this and feels bad for not hugging me the last time we saw, because he didn't know it was going to be the last time. He said he was just starting to believe that he had found a friend who wasn't going to disappear from his life any time soon. I feel like I've totally betrayed him.

I don't know how to cope with all of this. I don't think I've stopped crying for more than an hour at a time since I told him. But I HAVE TO do what I think is best for me and my mental health in the long run, right? I was totally in denial before. The fact is, I can't handle being that close to someone, when I know it's NEVER gonna lead anywhere, and when it means so much more for me than for him. I thought, it's better to have this one incredibly painful process, than to go over the jealousy over and over and over again, for knowing that after talking or walking the dogs with me, he is always going to home to his wife. I asked him not to ask anything from me anymore, because I don't think I could say no to him, and losing this friendship is totally killing me too. It's just not enough for me I don't understand why life has to be this cruel, I've never known anyone like him before, or fallen so intensely to anyone or been so "in sync" with anyone. So of course he just has to be married! He said too, that it's just absurd that two people can be this connected, but because of it can't have anything to do with one another.