Thank you all so much for your responses! It is really helpful for me to write things out. I hope to return the favor to you all with some questions on your postings.
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Originally Posted by Sannah
Geez, could you possibly be getting triggered? My mom didn't pay any attention to me so as an adult when I got any hint that someone wasn't interested in me I would get triggered. 2) do you want to punish her now, or 3) are you distancing yourself from her so you won't get hurt any more?
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((Sannah)) you always seem to know how to ask the right questions!
I would agree with wanting to punish her by leaving her. I feel very strongly about distancing myself from her so I won't get hurt. OMG I just had a revelation after typing that. Brain Train....Am I with my husband because he is safe? Because I don't feel such a strong emotional attachment to him (I've always liked him like a friend and I do love him but not a huge animal attraction kind of love). Does that mean I only choose people who are 'safe'? people whom I like enough but anyone I like more than enough I push away for fear of getting hurt? Am I only friends with people who are less than ideal because to have more than that is too open myself up to getting hurt? Is that why I keep everyone at an arms length? Is that OK??
Quote:
Originally Posted by kallinite
I can sympathize with you feel. I have a lot of trouble trusting people and that has been a problem for me in therapy.
I've been told that my expectations are too high and that I am too critical of people's flaws (including my own), so I don't know if my reaction was inappropriate or if she really was a space cadet. Could you try talking to your T about it? Maybe it is something you could work through together.
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Kallinite I too am very skeptical of people's true intentions. I am also critical of other people's flaws (including my own) so I can relate. I'm going to talk to my T about it
- as scary as it is for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WePow
Geez, it is true that a therapist is a person. And it is ok to not like certain things about them. But it is the same as any relationship - we have to allow some room for them to be a human.
The trick is to recognize how much help we are getting from T as a professional. They are not a friend, so we don't have to like them. But if
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Thank you WePow for the reminder that T's are really just people. I'm notoriously not allowing room for people to be human in my life
- hence the lack of close relationships in my life.
I am learning from my T and I think I'm going to take a risk and have faith that this is just a bump in the road ... until other information points me into another direction.
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Originally Posted by Melbadaze
Geez, I get the sense as i read your post that theres not a whole lot of feeling "contained and held" in your therapy? I know for me it was important to know its me that says when therapy is over, the option for long term was there if I needed it.
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Melbadaze yes you are right about not feeling "contained and held". In the beginning I felt like I was to some degree but now I don't - perhaps I'm just being needy?? - or I'm scared to need her so It's safer for me to push her away.
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Originally Posted by Eileen2010
Is T helping you? Are you moving forward at all? maybe you need someone else to take you the rest of the way on your journey?
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T in general has been really helpful and I have come a long way since I started seeing T. I'm not sure about continuing my journey with another T . For now I will have faith in my current T - even though I don't really like her right now. - I think
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunrise
"I've notice lately that blah blah blah--are you OK?"
If I felt that I was not OK, I would tell my T, "I really don't feel OK, but I'm interested in why you think that. Can you tell me why you thought that?" It's interesting to hear his perceptions.
If I refer to something I said at a previous session and he sits there looking at me blankly, I may ask him, "I think I mentioned this earlier, is this ringing a bell at all? Should I keep going?" Sometimes there are things that I felt were really significant that it seems my T has forgotten.  On the other hand, sometimes there are things my T recalls months and months later with incredible detail and this makes me feel really good.
Sometimes my T "recalls" things about me that are not true, LOL.
I am not sure you are being overly critical, but I think you are being "underly communicative" about this stuff with your T.
And when she makes an interpretation that doesn't really fit, can you tell her how things really are with you? Otherwise she won't learn how to help you better. Plus, it would be interesting for you to learn what has lead her to these incorrect observations. |
Sunrise, thank you so much for your talking points! I have problems with speaking about things that are uncomfortable / feelings etc.. so I will be memorizing what you wrote
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Communication is a BIG problem for me. I can write all day long but speak
- part of what I'm working on in T
There are some things my T remembers and I'm shocked that she does remember. There are other times she doesn't remember things and I feel hurt. I guess from what everyone is posting it's ok for T to not be perfect but it's about the whole of the experience that matters. We only get out of therapy what we put into it.
Many thanks!