I hoped starting college would be good for me. I was actually excited and anxious about it. I've been depressed over the summer with tons of boredom. I was looking forward to having a distraction, as I haven't had one for most of the summer (there was my bf, but that went to crap obviously). School always provided a distraction for me. And things are actually OK. The school isn't a problem, I suppose my professors are OK, too (except maybe my math class. I feel like I'm in remedial, and I'm very much not...).

I truly and honestly hate college, though. It's only made me worse.

I can't come up with any other reason as to why I'm completely drained after class, why I'm more depressed than I've ever normally been in high school (except that one time I was in a serious quandary, no idea what was wrong with me), and why I have no motivation to do any work I don't actually have to hand in.

I haven't read my psych text, though I tried at one point and didn't get too far because I thought it was just too boring (compared to high school, it was boring but I still managed to read it.) I've only done my English assignments since they're collected and graded.

I don't mind most my classes. I can sit and enjoy the lecture or discussion (except math...) in some way, although I still have no interest in going to my classes. I get somewhat irritated by the time frame of the classes, or that I'm surrounded by people I don't know and will probably never know. I'm irritated by the work (my "textbook" for English is a series of essays and articles on Human-Animal Studies and the topic bores me to death) and have no interest in doing any of it.

It's not even a case of being lazy. I've been lazy quite often. It just causes me to procrastinate, not to just ignore work.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the worth of an education (to an extent, anyway), but I still feel like there's no point in me doing this all.

So I'm sort of stuck as to what I should do. The only thing that makes me go to class everyday is the fact my mother paid for me to go as of now, and I need to pass for federal and state financial aid to pay. If I don't pass, she won't get her money back from the state, and she'll have to pay my entire tuition.

I'd much rather stop waking up between 4 and 5 in the morning (or 2, or 3, since I sleep all afternoon most days) and curl up in a ball and sleep the day away.

Is there honestly anything I can do? I've tried changing how I think about things, but I know I'm lying to myself in regard to how perceive things, so I flow right back into hating things and being irritable. I'm tired of even looking depressed, it's worrying someone important to me.