First day of IOP for DBT.
DISASTER!!!

They left me standing in an overcrowded, LOUD, waiting room for twenty minutes.
I told the woman at the desk that I was told someone would come to get me, and explain the program. She went about her business. I was on the verge of a panic attack, and asked her if I could go have a ciggie. She answered the phone. I went out anyway. When I came back, I went to her again, and asked what was going on? Only *then* did she understand that I was left hanging in the lurch! (Same woman who put me through to answering machines, and said I hung up on her a few weeks back, when I was trying to meet a counselor in Providence! And there's sooooo many talented people without a job.... *sigh*)

Nurse comes out and takes me. Starts asking me all kinds of questions I was not prepared for. And I told her so. Then tells me I'm going to be pee tested!
Now, there's nothing to worry about, but, WTF???
Totally unexpected and, well, shocking!!!
They want me to feel safe?
With *this* treatment?
I'm wondering, "What's NEXT???"

She asked about things going on. I told her many things, then, she went on to other stuff. Guess she thought I was done...you know what they say about assumptions!

Went to the program late, of course. They were in the middle of something, of which I had no clue. I just *love* that! NOT!
I sat and listened. 5 YOUNG people and one man, a bit younger than I. He monopolized the room, the conversation, the clinicians running the discussion. I said nothing at all, until....
...Until he badgered this clinician with multiple questions in a row, while she was trying to answer the first one. And I said, "You've got to let her answer!" And I said, "Sorry," to the clinician.

Bad to worse. He stopped talking completely. He glared at me. When reading a piece about anger, he directed his own commentary towards me, (and the clinicians did nothing.) Out for a break, when I went up to the group, he walked away. I left, and told him clearly, he could return. Back, after the break, another clinician leading a "safety" something??? This jerk says, "Do you feel safe, Debbie?" which starts another whole thing. The clinician directs questions to me, I say I'm fine. The jerk starts up, "I'll say what happened, and proceeds to LIE!!!

I picked up my stuff, and left the room. Crying again. Asked for the nurse or someone at the desk, (Yup, the same woman who left me standing for over 20 minutes.) Waiting again, I told her I was going out for a cig, and THREE women came out!!!
Jimminy Christmas!!! Are you kidding!!!

I told them what happened. The clinician wanted me to "talk" to this jerk. I said, "Not now, no!" And I made it clear that I wasn't there to listen to him overtake the room, nor did I deserve his acts of retribution. (Besides, I had *already* gone up to him, in the group, remember? She didn't!)

But, I was there for ME to learn from HER! Nurse completely understood. Clinician didn't "get it" at all. Then, wanted to set up a "safety plan" for me for the evening. 911 and Samaratians.... Didn't listen when I said I was not in crisis, and didn't need that at ALL!

Yea, *this* is helpful. NOT!
I'm taking a mental health day tomorrow from this mental health IOP!
I don't think my mental health can take another day like today!

I tried to nap after I got home. The tile workers came to work in the bathroom. Now the painter is here. No nap for me...

Peace!