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Lofty · Sep 17, 2010, 03:16 AM

Firstly, 'Hi' this is my 1st post here, not sure what i want for this, but I thought i'd put my story out there and see what happens - so go easy on me and excuse the ramble!

The Background:

Back in March or April this year (don't know why I can't remember the date), my girlfriend broke up with me. We'd being going out for 8 years, and lived together for 3 - she meant the absolute world to be - beautiful, funny, smart and totally on my wavelength. I could tell what she was feeling by just being in the same room as her. For the last 12 months or so i'd been working out how to propose to her, and planned to do it this summer.

About a week or so before we broke up, she started getting very fed up with me quite quickly - a very short fuse, but i put this down to final year coursework, and offered to help where ever possible. She'd also been spending more and more time with her friends from uni rather than me, which was starting to bother me - not that she wanted to see her friends, but because i was never invited!

Then one day, she turned around to me and said that she didn't love me anymore. She didn't want to 'work at it', go a away for a few days for some quality time or have a reason for why she didn't feel the same way. And that was that - all over.

We'd just moved into a 2 bed flat, so I set my self up in the 2nd bedroom and she said she still wanted to be friends as we've known each other for about 15 years all in all. Neither of us could afford to move out, so we agreed to try and live together as friends for a few months until we could sort something out.

10 days later, she started dating a friend from uni, and my world literally ended.

The problem?

In the space of 10 days my world went from "I'm going to propose to the girl of my dreams" to "i'm living with my ex, she's dating another guy and my entire idea of where my life was going has been torn up into shreds"

I was an emotional train wreck for weeks after - uncontrollable sobbing, anger and her for giving up on 8 years of our lives without any apparent sorrow, anger at the new boyfriend for pulling her away from me - I've known him for about a year, and he is always flirting, always coming up with innuendos, taking her out for drinks, and even composing music for her - but i always figured that we were safe enough that she'd see it as harmless flirting and just be friends and... well, guess i was wrong. Maybe he wasn't the whole reason she left me, but was certainly the straw the broke the camels back, and he knew exactly what he was doing. Then i'd feel sorry for my self in a sort of wilderness, and finally optimism about a fresh start, before cycling back around to balling my eyes out.

Finally, I came to the conclusion that there was nothing to be gained by moping around the flat and feeling sorry for my self, so i joined the gym - and this made a massive difference. The days i went, I was much happier than when i didn't.

I also made a point of getting out and exploring more on my own and being more independent.

I also signed up to a dating site to see who else was out there! Went on a couple of dates, but realised there was no way I was ready to start seeing other people, and if I did it was only because she was seeing someone else too - which isn't fair on the other person.

About a month ago, i moved out to a town about 40 miles away. I wanted to totally fresh start, so moved into a shared house with 3 random people. I also went out on a few more dates, and started enjoying my self again.

For a while i thought i'd cracked it, and was 'over' the whole experience, but... it still haunts me. I think that's the best way to describe it.

I have to keep busy, because if i don't, my mind wonders back to the day I broke up with my ex, and the feelings all come back. I get angry with the new boyfriend and imagine the arguments i'd have, and I feel frustrated with my ex and imagine conversations i'd have with her about it all.

I recently stared dating someone else, but that seems to have fizzled out, and i'm thinking that i'd just been using the whole dating thing as another layer of activity to plaster over this big dark void in the back of my head.

Right now, i've had a pretty hard week, and i can feel my self slipping back into being angry and sad. I hurt my neck at the gym, so can't go there to distract my self and i feel like that layer of plaster is getting wafer thin!

With hind sight, I think that this whole experience has really effected me psychologically. I'm a very laid back person with a forgive and forget outlook on life, but i just can't let this go.

I don't Love my ex any more, and i don't want to be back in a relationship with her. But the anger and frustration and sadness just won't go. I re-live the break-up when i day dream, and when i hear certain music, and sometimes it's all i dream about.

I wonder if there's a time table for this sort of thing. Is it fair to date someone else with this black void stuffed into the corner of my mind? How can i let it out and get rid of it? I think untill I do, i'll always feel that i'm running away from it all or hiding out here.

In terms of my life at the moment, I feel as though i've jumped off a ship and am just treading water with nothing on the horizon in any direction!

...

Well thanks for reading - would be interested to read any comments and suggestions tough love or sympathy!

Cheers!