Quote:
Originally Posted by geez
I would agree with wanting to punish her by leaving her. I feel very strongly about distancing myself from her so I won't get hurt.
Am I with my husband because he is safe? Because I don't feel such a strong emotional attachment to him (I've always liked him like a friend and I do love him but not a huge animal attraction kind of love). Does that mean I only choose people who are 'safe'? people whom I like enough but anyone I like more than enough I push away for fear of getting hurt? Am I only friends with people who are less than ideal because to have more than that is too open myself up to getting hurt? Is that why I keep everyone at an arms length? Is that OK??
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Bingo!! You are really, really on to something here!!
What you just described does happen and I think that you are spot on. I'll bet your husband is safe and I'll also bet that you can get closer to him as you continue to do your work.
This is what I discovered about myself. I complained that I didn't have any close friends and then I started becoming more aware of what was really going on. I discovered that when a person was the type who I could become intimate with - I ran! I worked on this then. I would stop and cope with my fears and pursue these people. The best way to decrease your fears is to face them (carefully of course! and in a measured and aware way). I am able to have close friends now and I continue to work on my fears whenever they come up.
I also have been very proud of being different. Well guess what I discovered? I used being different to keep people back! I still like being different but now I don't use it to keep people away.