(((((neri)))))

i AM sorry you are hurting so. you really did step up and make a very, very difficult decision (and you did the right thing!) and now it hurts like he!!. as others have said just let yourself grieve. please stay safe and not take any more drugs/alcohol to numb out, okay? it will get better even though i know you are in a ton of pain right now. i think what belle said is true--this is like a breakup for you, at least the feelings are the same. try not to isolate--reach out to your T and friends when you need to. maybe the good that will come out of this whole experience is that now knowing how very painful it is to get entangled with an unavailable man you will allow yourself to be with someone who is available. you do deserve happiness and love neri but unfortunately there aren't really any shortcuts in life.