I think there are enough of us here that either have an eating disorder or have had one in the past that it's okay to talk about it here...besides, we're the ones that know you best, right?

Being completely straight with you: you need your T to affirm it, but there's not doubt in my mind that you have an eating disorder. You don't have to eat non-vegetarian foods to get calories. Carbs will help - potatoes, bread, rice, corn.

Cognitive therapy has had good results on eating disorders (I'm pudgy living proof) but it takes time. In the meantime, you have to keep taking in calories. Sometimes that means tricking your own mind...if it's possible, ask your partner to make things for you (like that shake) without telling you what's in it; instead, telling you that it only has ___ calories or ___fat (in other words, lie to you about it). And give up exercising for now - especially if you increase it because of a misperception of how many calories you've actually had.

A couple of statistics - one chocolate chip cookie has approx. 80 calories. You can burn 80 calories in 5 minutes on a treadmill (no incline).

I hope that helps - I know how hard it is to work thru this...lots and lots of hugs..