Help, I am channeling my grandmother and I cant stop!!!
She always used to say, "Just be glad you're not crippled."
I hated that! It didn't do a damned thing to make me feel a bit better about my situation or what I was feeling.
But then I was dx BP1, and then my sub compact was squished between two very large trucks at a traffic light. Some days I use my cane but most days I have to use my walker. The last MRI showed that my tail bone is separating from my hip and that I have degenerative disk disease in the last two areas of my spine that are asymptomatic. Now that my BPD is under control, I have to retrain for a career that will be wheel chair accessible. As it is, I go in for injections every week to keep the level of pain manageable enough so that I don't have to rely to heavily on narcotics as they will effect my BPD and ruin my liver.
I went from teaching genetics at the university and doing endocrinology studies that are published in the national library of medicine to nearly being bed ridden laying on a bag of frozen peas (stays cold longer than the cold packs). I have to wait every other day for my daughter to come over and help me get in and out of the bathtub. I fall so often that even though I am in Florida, I have to wear long skirts or pants and long sleeves so people wont think that I am a beaten woman.
I am 40. I will be wheel chair bound within the next five years and there is nothing I can do about it. I miss having a career and I miss having my independence. I miss taking a shower. I miss washing the dishes without falling on the floor and taking 20 minutes to get back up. I miss having co-workers. I miss being intellectually challenged. I miss my students. I miss my lab. At this point, I am little more than a drain on societal resources. Its really hard to keep my chin up. Its hard to stay in the solution. Its hard to keep fighting. On my really bad days, I struggle for hours to answer the question, what's the point?
So, in the words of my 95 year old grandmother who still cooks, cleans, showers, lives by herself and walks without assistance,....
"Be glad you're not crippled."
(sorry, I couldn't resist... don't you hate it when you start channeling your elders)
hugs, Colleen