Kermit the frog once sang a song, "It's not easy being green". It's not easy having these mood states but you can quit beating yourself up for being who you are, its genetic. You cant help it any more than you can help how tall you are. Believe me, there are enough other people out there willing to beat us up just for us being us. You were talking about laying there wanting to yell or sing, why fight it? Why not compromise? It seems to me that yodeling would serve both purposes. As long as I use that inspiration and energy for good rather than evil, I found that my daughter loves being around when I am hypomanic, she always has and still does, even now that she is 16. Its adventure time. Its the time where the living live life and what a gift that is to give your young son! Whether you are ready to accept yourself or not, just quit fighting it and have fun. This is our great reward for surviving our depressive spells.
Just keep doing what you are doing and you'll get there!!!! (And the best part is that you will be known as the coolest mom on the block when you are out in the yard playing cops and robbers with the neighborhood kids.) If only "normal" parents would get involved in their kids lives that way....
We are blessed
ptk