i'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed with your life. from what you wrote i'd say see a T if at all possible to help you sort out all this tangle of thoughts. u mentioned you don't trust T's. what is that about? that could be holding you back from getting the help you need. i don't believe you can sort all this out by yourself and you need an objective voice to assist you...now you are home again and your feelings are still not being validated. if you want to get better, and i think you do, then seek outside professional help and support near where u live.
are u on meds for your depression?
meanwhile we can be a support system but it sounds to me that you need "in person" help. i found that i needed to be responsible for getting the help i needed or i'd just stay in the same place...and it wasn't a good place for me to stay, jme.
oh and welcome to PC!!!