Welcome Eileen G....
That was my grandmother's first name and middle initial. I will not forget you so you have to come back and keep posting, pinky promise?

I am glad that you have found some self-acceptance, many others struggle with this. Unlike you, despite the meds, I am not sure I feel normal but nor do I aspire to feel normal. Why would I want to limit myself to such mediocrity? Yes, we can fall deep into the pit of despair but we can also soar amongst the clouds. I suppose the next step that I had to take beyond acceptance was to learn self-discipline. Yuck!

Even if I plan to spend the day in bed, I get up in the morning, make my coffee and breakfast, brush my teeth, change from my night gown into lounging clothes, make my bed, eat my breakfast, do my dishes and then go and lounge on my tidy bed. Simple, I know, but it began for me with the baby steps. I kept adding just a few more requirements to benefit myself, how I am. I made a list of approved manic/hypomanic activities that are healthy and non-destructive in any way, shape, or form. I also have an approved depression list and suicidal behavior is not an approved activity, nor is self-medicating, nor is cutting, nor is skipping my meds, and I have to call three people and tell on my disease... that I am in the pit... etc.

Each day, I remind myself that if I walked 15 miles into the woods, I can't expect myself to get back out just by retreating one mile. This will take time. For me, I have to learn to do everything different because what I was doing before REALLY wasn't working. Its a new way of thinking, a new way of feeling and a new way of living and you know what - this is the greatest adventure of my life! I can't wait to see who Im going to become when I grow up!

Ill close with this. My daughter played a song on her car stereo for me not to long ago. It was by a band named Cold Play, the song was "Fix you". It was all about how she was going to fix all my problems, take away my pain and fix me. I must admit, I kind of took exception to it! "Danielle, I'm not broken. God made me this way for a reason and God doesn't make mistakes ergo, there is nothing to fix. I don't know what the reason is yet and all I am is an extraordinary mind trying to figure out how to live in an ordinary world. One of the hardest things to do is to be different from everyone else and still feel comfortable in your own skin. You are growing up but so am I, in my own way. Be patient with me as I am patient with you. At least I don't pitch teenager hissy fits like someone I know!"

That shut her up!

Peace!
ptk