(((Phoenix))) I am married and I have moments were I feel powerful and in control. In those moments I can be intimate on a physical/sexual level with my husband. In my moments of feeling distant or in the state of mind where I'm defensive I don't want to be touched sexually in any way however I may feel the need for a hug (as hard as it is for me to accept sometimes). - I make it perfectly clear to my husband that hugging will not lead to sex. My husband is very understanding and patient and I fell lucky. I am in therapy to help me with this amongst other issues.

There are good days and bad days but things can/do get better eventually - no matter how hopeless we may feel.

Wishing you peace. Someday you will find a companion and it will/can be special. One step at a time.