Hi, lsl54, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

That's a tough one. I'm a stepmom to 3 grown sons and know some of that situation. I don't know your children but doesn't sound like you trust them to run their own lives? If I were going to give my stepsons something big/"everything" (let's say I win the lottery :-) it wouldn't bother me at all as, if they want it, I'd like to be in a position to help them have/get it?

However, if you aren't getting what you want, then there could be a bit of jealousy or worry for your future? But if there's "enough" to go around and both children are responsible and pretty good young adults, having good things now could change their whole lives for the better? My husband wants to set up a trust in our wills so our sons will get money when we both die but I want him to just give them money when he dies (if it's "soon") as they'll be at an age they could use it! There are grandchildren to go to college, businesses to "improve" or start, a better lifestyle (addition to their house so it's not so cramped) and I'd love to help them with that now, not when I'm dead and they are ready to retire and don't have as many "needs".