That's what makes me miss her so much, Petunia. She was the person who I knew would always love me. No matter what. It wouldn't have mattered what I did, she would still love me. She might not like what I did (she wasn't too keen on me riding a motorbike in my university days) but she always loved me.
She was the person I could express my insecurities and fears to. I remember crying in bed one night, at their house, that "Nobody loves me". How ironic that I said it there, where I knew I was loved. But, as my counsellor has helped me to see, I could seek the reassurance from her that I never felt able to seek from my parents.
She loved me. I need to find a way of understanding that, of appreciating that there was something aobut the child me that was loveable.
Thank you, Petunia. thank you for helping me look at this.

But, as you know, it still hurts.