I wish he would reach out. I wish he'd make it easy for me to take it all back. I wish I had never said anything. And when he came here for closure, I wish he had rather said he has changed his mind about loving his wife, instead of saying that he had hoped I would have come to terms with certain things. Unfortunately that last wish makes me realize that nothing would be different if I did take it all back. So on the other hand, I wish that I could move away from here, I wish I had the strenght to cut all the ties and make it easier for myself. Now I still have to see him occasionally. And it makes it impossible to pretend he doesn't exist and none of this ever happened. I wish I didn't have this much (?) to hold on to, because then I'd be free to do whatever I want.