Kiya - the first time i attempted was a month out of hospital after an inappropriate situation with my doctor on top of the depression and working in this very high stress position - i was released from the hospital 18 hours after admission and my employer never knew anything about it. the second time was completely related to my job - they had been screwing around with my hours, salary - i'd been living on my savings because of it - and they made it impossible for me to work anywhere else to make up the difference, then my boss took me in with one of my clients and reduced me to the level of being her secretary and belittling me thru the process - i cried all the way home and overdosed - started vomiting, my fiance called my pdoc, drove me to the hospital where i overdosed with 60 or 70 additional pills and ended up spending another week in the hospital. when i got back to work they threatened to fire me because i had not called them to let them know i would not be at work. they ended up letting me go anyway because financially the business was doing poorly and last hired first laid off..........

I don't think i want to continue to work there - but jobs are scarce - and if i worked part time i dont think i would work with the boss who treated me so poorly - i could use the money - but wanted to discuss with t to see if he felt it would be good or not - but it triggers lots of complex emotions - emotions i never dealt with after the last time i attempted.

and the more i see t and we dont work on the emotions, the more they seem to cause me problems - i am on the fence right now - i am either going to stuff them and dive back into my life and my career putting my emotional head in the sand until it kills me - or i am going to deal with this stuff for once and work on how to handle them

but you know when you feel an emotional storm coming? get that dark sense that you are going to lose control, lose your mind? I feel that constantly right now....