I feel I very wide range of emotions to be absolutely honest. Immediately upon lashing out in response to publicly debased for attempting to participate in a thread where I misunderstood the intent, I hit the submit button, and immediately regretted it. I admitted that I was in the wrong for doing so. I have already been publicly whipped for doing so. I have already discussed this matter with the moderator. At no time, I had no intention of taking anything out on anyone. HOWEVER, I do take exception, and rightfully so, for being publicly humiliated for misunderstanding the intent of the post. I CANNOT READ MINDS. I appreciate having critics in my life to help guide me but not ones that do so with a bullhorn in the middle of the town square for trying, yet not succeeding. When communicating with a member more junior than I, I must remember that he/she does not have the experience (regardless of how limited) that I have and that I must be kind and patient.
In that spirit, I write to you this explanation. I don't think that either of us handled it very well but I will always look to the more senior member to set the example of behavior that will or will not be tolerated. I don't think either of us were very respectful of the other. She humiliated me, and I lashed out, I asked her to go private, she kept it public,... etc. Both of us got stubborn and both of us failed to be shining examples of recovery.
Yes, I admit it. I am human. I make mistakes. Sometimes but seldomly, my emotions even override my best judgment. Yet at no time, was I ever taking out anything that is happening in my world on anyone in this forum.
Please forgive my lapse of judgment, I will try very hard not to repeat the same mistake. Yet do not mistake my responding to being publicly embarrassed and debased inappropriately (eg losing one's temper) versus being divisive and taking out my personal issues on others. You can easily pull a history of all of my post and you will find that I am constantly seeking to help others whenever I can.
With this being said, does this really need to continue? I have owned my part in this matter, yet it always takes two to tango. I have every right to defend myself when attacked but I didn't manage to walk away from this as the lady I know myself to be.