Hello there. This is my first post after sitting on the sidelines and reading everyone else's for a little while. I find everyone warm and understanding which is wonderful! :-)

Well...here goes. My problem is the relationship I am in now. I will try to summarize everything as it is quite involved. I have been dating a man for over a year. I actually left my husband of 17 years for this guy. In my marriage my husband and I still got along very well and he always treated me good but there was zero passion left in our relationship. Due to a depression problem that he finally faced up to, that shut down that side of him and he was unable to show much passion to me. I should have insisted that he get help long ago but I didn't unfortunately. I just shut down myself and looked for passion elsewhere which is of course not the answer.

Now I am with this man who I can honestly say does not really make me happy. Yes I have the passion that I was missing in my marriage but I also have someone who is selfish, judgemental, controlling, possessive and who I cannot communicate with. He only sees one side of everything (his side) and if I state my opinions or differ from his he sees that as me trying to start an argument. I have found myself shutting down somewhat over this year. Not expressing myself or my feelings when I have them like I used to. Just to save an argument starting. I feel my personality has changed a lot since I have been with him. I used to be happy and positive. That seems to have disappeared. How sad is that!! Why do I stay with him you may ask? At times he can be a lot of fun and loveable. But then there are those other times when he is argumentative and critical or impatient with me. At those times I do not even really like him I think. I am sorry to say that I think I stay with him for the passion, for the attention that he gives me that I have craved for so long. But I know this is not enough. And of course there is the thought of being alone. I am quite aware that that is probably one of the main reasons I am still here. Sigh.

To make matters more confusing I have been in contact with my ex a bit lately. When I am with him I can see all of his good qualities: how easy he is to talk to, to communicate with (communication is so very important in making me feel happy), to just have a good laugh with, how sensitive he is, how "real" he is in a world of very fake people that you have to deal with every day! He would like us to try again to get back what we had before...or rather to make it better than it was before. Part of me really wants this but part of me feels no passion whatsoever for this man.

I guess my questions are ...can someone be happy with someone who they do not feel passion for? can passion be reignited? And the big one....why is it so hard for me to break away from this relationship I am in now. I actually broke it off for a couple of weeks in September of this year but it was the worst two weeks of my life....I felt so upset, sick, depressed and like my life was over. Why does this guy have such a hold over me when I can see that he is WRONG for me in all ways?

Sorry for going on and on so long. You can see I am a very mixed up lady. I would appreciate hearing from other people who have maybe been where I am or someone who has words of wisdom for me. Even just typing this all out helps me in some way. Thanks everyone for listening!