I feel like I have a lot to say but at the same time don't... I guess I will just let myself ramble and hope it comes out somewhat understandable. First off, I think it has to be something pretty big to put a guy off or wanting to receive oral. I don't know any one who doesn't like it really. I know of ones who don't like to give it, but receive seems odd to me. That may take a little more exploring on your part to uncover a deeper issue....

He said it had been 'painful and rough in the past'..... so yes you are right, something I need to explore a little more.

He seems fairly inexperienced. That is a big indicator there. Which that may be the overall underlying issue. There is an undescribable amount of pressure on men to be the kings of the bedroom so to say. He may be shy and not confident in his abilities in that department so he is afraid to do it as often. He may feel like he needs to save up in order to be good enough. I have to admit that even with no past issues of performance problems or abuse by partners in that department, I have performance anxiety sometimes. Especially after a trip or being away for a while. You feel like you won't "last" or be able to please your partner enough to make up for your time apart. Mental blocks and confidence issues can be a major damper on physical performance causing erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation when no physical problems exist at all. If this is the issue it will take time and lots of patience and support on your part to move past this. If you think this is where you want to start I would recommend, putting less of a priority on sex especially when he first gets back from one of these trips. Make sure he knows how much you enjoy the sex together. This can be difficult because you HAVE to be sincere, and you can't be over the top to where you seem like you are faking it... (which some guys can never even notice... I know I didn't). When you are in the act, let him know what you like by not just reacting vocally, but with your body as well. Once he knows he is really pleasing you and without the pressure of having to perform, knowing that you want it right away and are expecting it, he should start to open up more. His confidence will build and he may start initiating sex more often.

I have never orgasmed from just sex.. he knows it and maybe that it added pressure?? I don't expect too... never have and don't think it is going to happen but i still enjoy the act. He wants to bring me to that point - so is that added pressure... possibly.
His last GF (not the one i think he is hung up on) left him for a woman...... that could explain sexual insecurities.

About the I love you to I like you... That is a totally different and unrelated topic really... I would for now, say that is simply that he is nervous with saying it face to face versus over the phone. Most men know that once you cross the I love you line in the sand that you don't go back, but if he is used to saying it over the phone, he may just not be ready to say it face to face as much...

He said it the frist night he was back - in a dark bedroom before sleep. I just feel like I said it and got a slap in the face. BUT my rule (and he knows it) is that you don't say it if you are not feeling it.... so changing the subject after I said it was a way out I guess.

The ex-girlfriend, that would need more information, but I would say just work on your relationship, trust and communication with him and see how that goes before worrying about her over much. You don't know (or at least I don't) what their history is, were they friends before they dated, did they have a mutual break up? There is a lot to that kind of relationship. How often does he talk about her and what kind of talk is it?
It's just general talk... she has anorexia and he worries about her. They chat often I think from comments he makes.

I know that it only makes sense to you that he would want to spend his last night in town with you... That is natural to feel that way. I have to ask you to look at things from his perspective... How much time has he spent with you this week versus his family and friends? I know that he dedicated a portion of the weekend to you and he spent time earlier in the week with you. I know how this feels from his perspective as I am often away and only get short times at home. There are other people in his life that he has to spend time with as well. If he has spent the majority of the time with you during the week, then take it as a compliment that he is squeezing other people at the end of the week, you were more important to see so you were seen during the week, the weekend and the majority of his time. Try to look at the positive, although I know it is hard.... I hope everything goes well....