Amen Sisters!

I don't know what it is about the light bulb thing, but you are absolutely correct!

Keep up the good work, Neri. You've already done the hardest part, and that is to make a decision!

Now comes the footwork. I hear what you say about the bargaining.That is tough. I still struggle with that. The grieving process for me is scary, too. I have to choose every day to do those things that are healthy for me. And I never naturally just want to be healthy!

We have a saying, "Fake it until you make it!"

The fact that you are able to step back and watch yourself going through the stages of the grieving process is huge! Really, it's fantastic! If you can label it, you can claim it, and then you can do something about it. Ownership and empowerment are what it is all about, and that takes knowledge. So, congratulations!

And I know that daily practice and new healthy learned behaviors are hard at first. When I am just going through the motions of exercise, work, meetings, calling a friend to tell on myself, etc. I know that every single positive, healthy choice I make and take action on adds up. It might be a struggle, but if you keep on doing the next right thing, those days of hard work add up. Don't ask me how! But they do.

And then, despite ourselves, we slowly start to heal. Just remember, you are not alone. We are all here with you, going through similar struggles. We all have to make choices. And doing what I want is always easiest. But doing what I know to be healthy for me is always hardest! I keep on thinking, "I am smarter than this!" But man, when it comes to what I want, I kick and scream like a five year old. It's embarassing!

I just thank god for my buddies who meet me for coffee, and answer the phone, and don't mind the midnight text! I just keep on telling myself, "I am not a bad person trying to be good. I am a sick person trying to get well!" These little affirmations may sound corny, but they work. My personal favorite is "It's okay to have these feelings, it's just not okay to act on them!"

And when I slip, or start to backslide, I have to remember to take it easy on myself. Just tonight I was doing a little bargaining of my own! Instead of going out, I stayed in. And here you are, asking for help! So awesome! It's amazing how the recovery process works.

Do I still sometimes feel like a grieving widow? Sure. But, that is an improvement from a black widow! And, I am a grieving widow with friends! And soon you will feel like a single woman with friends.
It just takes time. So, keep up the good work and remember, you're worth it!