You are in the middle of working through this. Cancelling and quitting is about your anger and it sounds like your anger may be scaring you. It is a time to keep going. Running away from it will leave it unresolved. You can do this and feel better again.

I hope you and your T can talk more about what it means to you to feel special to him. It is really important for you to tell him directly that's what you want. He can handle it and your angry feelings too. You chose him to help you; let him help you with this.