(((sawe))) I can so relate to your post.

Growing up in a family that doesn't talk about emotional wants and needs, except for physical things like toys (clothes, etc) is so frustrating and confusing for a kid. And feeling apart from family most of the time, then expected to feel something more at times like birthdays and holidays is confusing too. And maybe it felt hypocritcal, or like we only matter at those times. Gifts are supposed to have meaning. It's the thought that counts, we learn. A lonely child's needs are not filled up with gifts.

There are so many feelings around this for me, I wonder if there are for you too.