((((SAWE))))

There is a lot to what you are experiencing - and it has nothing to do with any flaw you think you have. You were a child who had to emotionally defend yourself through the years. A huge part of that defense may have been to push the parents away from you. ? Sometimes it is more empowering for a child to perceive they are pushing a parent away than for the child to have to accept that they have been left out or "lost" when the parents do not daily meet the emotional needs of that child. So on a daily basis, the parents are treating the child as though the child is invisible. Suddenly it is a "special" day and all eyes are on the child "what do you like???" - well, to a child, that feeling would be such a dramatic difference to the daily routine that it could make the child very angry or upset or suspicious at the least.

Just tossing out some ideas for you. Big hugs!