I want to be a kind caring and open person and be available if she ever would come around (I don't have high hopes for that) the shower is alos in a location that makes it difficult for me to get to. So I thought that if I sent a gift and card and I guess excused the absence from the event that I'd still be participating. But in a form that alleviates some of my anxiety over the situation. Perhaps I will hear from her later I don't know. I would hope at least a thank you card for the gift(not necessary but kind) the location has been a factor in all of this too. I would have to go to the city to a very social situation where as I am afraid I would have a panic attack. It would be beneficial to work through the attack though. I have two weeks to decide. I'm thinking if I could get a ride in I may be more likely to go. Have a safety person with me to keep the panic at bay. I really would like to have a relationship with my cousin. I miss the days when things were good.