dear Gow,, that feeling of darkness and heaviness is just there for balance, i believe. accept it, and it will cease to be a burden. live is bipolar, the dance of the stars is bipolar, all things that arise , desist. please don't act on any impulses to disappear yourself,,, we are eternal beings, and the suffering must be overcome , it cannot be escaped. hope you come to chats,, or PM me, or look me up somehow,, would love to talk more with you. Gus