madisgram,

I am so sorry to hear what you've been going through . I wish that I had some words of wisdom to give you something to cheer about! I definitely agree with the other posts suggesting that you meet alone with your son to discuss things. Hopefully, he will be willing to make some changes in his life to still involve you.

The idea of looking away just sounds so sad to me. Imo, life feels pretty hopeless at that point. Gentle hugs to you. I hope that you and your son are able to be there for one another.