((seventyeight)) I feel emotional pain but in a slightly different context. My pain is in therapy and right before my appt. I feel anxious and it hurts terribly to open up. I have to fight my way into being in touch with and expressing my feelings. It's this feeling I have in the pit of my gut that makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, vulnerable and scared - like I want to crawl out of my own skin.

It's like I'm clawing my way out of this emotional pit. I know I will and can feel better when I get out of the hole (in the presence of T) but I compete internally with the thought: "what if I crawl out of the hole and someone is there waiting to hurt me (like T)?" - and that feeling of pain comes from that question of doubt - the internal struggle of should I or shouldn't I?- It's hard to fight against the feeling that I shouldn't try to crawl out of the pit as that has taught me to be safe (as that is how I survived when I was younger - many years ago).

I don't know if any of what I said has brought you much comfort but I can certainly relate.