gosh, I've had this feeling so many times. It's hard, I think it actually creates some cognitive dissonance, driving to what is at once my safe place AND a torture chamber.

I'm glad you have klonopin to help you right now, tree. I know how torn up I feel after a session like that and how hard it is to stop those slideshows once they start.

You're doing hard work, tree. Be gentle with yourself, ok?