I will put up with insanity and abuse sometimes for years before I finally get the courage to stand up and quit pretending I am a doormat. Yet when I decided to start living rather than surviving until my next suicide attempt, I realized the choices I made before got me to where I am now, and not where I want to be. Over a one week period 5 such situations have arisen and the stress, anxiety, physical pain and depression are overwhelming me. Don't know how to say this in 3 sentences and the other day I just sat here trying to figure out how to write what was going on but I couldn't make it fit but still cant. Wanting to give you an explanation and that its not permanent that I am away, just while I iron out some issues and establish some boundaries. When I tried to post before I rewrote of 8 times and was so frustrated and anxious that I had a full-on panic attack and weeping at the same time, the pressure..... lest I offend someone, somewhere over something........ I can't deal with any additional conflict. Already on overload. Will post when I can stay small without much pressure.
Thar she BLooooowwwssssss, Cap'n!
hugs all,
Colleen