Hello yoursecretname,

Must agree with all that Belle has said. Especially the fight or flight, and I must say that with BP sufferers they want you to fight their flight, but they don't feel that they are good enough to have anyone who loves them, let alone how you love this girl.

She needs the reassurances that you are giving her. Please understand that the one thing you need the most of is a combination of patience and staying power. Which I sense from everything you have written so far, you have a great deal of.

I also think that the reason she is so strict with her independence is because BP sufferers can have issues with overspending during manic stages of their disorder. It sounds as if she is handling that well and is very disciplined in that regard. That is something that you will be grateful for (from the distress I hear from sufferers of BP who have run credit card bills into the almost hundreds of thousands or not paid bills and spent the money on other things).

It really is distressing for them and not something they want to do, it is something which is just incredibly difficult for them to control. If you want to buy her a car then buy it as a birthday gift or anniversary gift just not an I love you gift.

Give her time to get used to being loved. She has been in a dificult and abusive marriage which believe me puts us off getting married again like you would not believe. That is where one of those independent streaks comes from. Being controlled can do that to you and it makes one committment shy.

You will get a lot of help from the BiPolar Forum. Keep up the great work she is lucky to have you!