so after my ex *****ed me out last weekend and then not talking for over a week, he randomly messaged me today to "bury the hatchet" i stopped dead in my tracks when i got it. my heart sank. i'm so not over him. i torture myself looking through his facebook photos. i wanted him to say "i made such a horrible mistake. i miss u". i told him i needed more time. wasn't ready to bury the hatchet. all he had to say to that was "okay, take whatever time u need" sure i guess that's a good thing. but i just want him to fight for me so bad. i want the guy i fell for to come back. not this douchebag he turned into. i literally have no interest in other guys at the moment. i have a guy texting me and wanting to hang out and telling me that he thinks i'm really pretty. but all i can think is how i wish my ex would do and say these things.

i'm so sad for the way things turned out and how things ended. i'm sad because i feel like there was this amazing opportunity that i ruined. and i do feel like it's my fault. that i became codependent and drove him further and further away. it is a good thing to not be together right now. but i keep holding on to the hope that it will happen again someday. and that it'll be everything we thought it would be the first time.
i miss him so much. and i hate that. i hate that my heart still aches, when his probably doesn't at all. i hate how one text can send me reeling and he can go forever without hearing from me and be just fine.
my heart hurts and i feel sad and alone.