My husband has always said that I have a problem with depression. He now also says that I am bi-polar and this is documented (however, I am not aware of being diagnosed as such). He says all of our marital problems are because I am so impossible and I refuse to get treatment. He says that he is not interested in "talking about things" because he is my husband and not my psychiatrist: my problems have to be sorted out by me alone.

Last year he said that he would leave me if I didn't take a day off work and immediately see a doctor for my depression. I followed his orders and visited a doctor.

The doctor agreed that I was depressed, but he said that it was not a clinical depression (I showed no signs of that as I still took care of my appearance, was successful at my job, had been trying to think of solutions to our marital problems, knew exactly what was bothering me, etc...). He said he could do nothing for me, that we (my husband and I) needed to see a marriage counselor.

I've suggested this to my husband many times - and he refuses. He says that people go to marriage counselors to try and prove to their spouses that "they are right" and to in turn have the counselor reassure them that "they are right". He does not want any part of "my wanting to prove myself right." I have decided to go to counselling on my own however.

I have been working several jobs, 7 days a week for long periods of time, over the past 2 years to support our family. My husband has been employed around 25% of this time. We'll have been married 3 years this January. The first year of our marriage I was in the States while he was in England. He was in a homeless shelter there, and nearly got himself evicted from a public housing scheme.

We have fought continually over my asking him to help with the housework and to generally have a "helpful attitude". If something needs to be done, why doesn't he just do it, instead of waiting for me to ask him repeatedly until it turns into a fight.

Lately we've been fighting about money. He's owed around $2000 by his employer. The checks didn't arrive on time to pay the rent. I took a cash advance on my credit card to pay the rent and am down to my last $30. I found out last night that he's 3 weeks behind in invoicing his employer and those checks won't arrive for another 4 weeks after he submits the invoices. I asked him to please get the invoices ready last night. He forgot to. I'm very nervous that I won't be able to cover the bills at the end of this month. He gets very angry when I ask him about the check that is supposedly coming, or whether he's up to date with his invoices.

In short, he won't do anything without me nagging him. I would do everything myself to avoid the fight, but I'm working too many hours to do this. We have a 6 year old son who tells his teacher at school that he misses his mom. I never get to see him because I'm always working. My husband works 2 or 3 days a week at the moment.

I've started trying to lay the law down about dividing the household labour and expenses. I can't always be responsible for it all. This year he has contributed $900 in total. He says I've lost it and I'm having another depressive episode.

Yes - I am very depressed, but I think it is with good reason. I'm also starting to think that he has the real problem. He has a history of homelessness. Last year, the only bill he was responsible for was the rent. I took over that bill as well when I found that he hadn't paid it for 6 months. I learned this by intercepting an eviction letter that came in the mail.

He is completely uninvolved in paying bills or taking care of the apartment. He sits on the computer all day, working on music, reading about conspiracy theories for a laugh, reading about gangsters, Hells Angels in London, etc...

I think he shows signs of a personality disorder, but doesn't match any profile exactly. He refuses to go to any form of counselling, even with me.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do? Where could I find profiles of mental illness common to homeless people to see if this is his problem? He has no concern about getting the bills paid. This upsets me, and he blames my concern on my "depression".

What is your take?

Thanks for all responses.