((((bitterdregs))))

Thank you for responding. I do agree that when I would dissociate and go to the ceiling it was very scary. To be there watching as if I was not even there and not able to hear anything. Feeling my body float upwards yet I could at times still see someone standing there. I do not know who was out at the time and it would be after I would go upstairs before I would come back and I would feel really strange.

Most of the times I would just leave completely and not know anything which left so many blank spots of time and of where? I many times could be gone for hours or more and not know where or what had taken place. I felt so lost but I could not ever tell anyone. But I can remember that feeling of floating upwards before being gone even if for a second. But when I was a little girl I cannot even remember the floating off, it was not until I was older I felt that.

I can get glimpses of some events that happened but then everything goes blank and until I accept back the memories from the alter that holds it, the memory does not come. Leaving at that moment it was so bad that I could not be and it seemed I stopped breathing is where I can get to until I receive the memory from those that carry it and then it feels as though I walk back there at that moment I left and get that breath that felt it was no more.

The pain and emotional feelings hit hard and I seem to get back that breath I left when I was not present. At the point of them telling me what they hold is when I remember. Many things I do not remember at all until I get co-consciousness. I do think that maybe you could be right that for me being co-conscious now could be like you could be co-conscious enough to know you were leaving and someone was stepping in. That feeling of leaving I remember but I really do not remember creating anyone.

Most of mine were created very young so my memory does not allow me to go there at all until I am ready to hear it. I trust my system to give me back the memories as I am ready to receive them. For me some were created when I was brought to the brink of dissociation so I do not remember that at all.

It is for you what it is and no one knows but you. In time you will piece the pieces back together but give yourself time. It did not take us a day to get to where we are and it will take as long as it takes to come together. Things are brought back as you are ready to hear and accept it. Trust yourself and allow yourself as much time as you need.

I hope that your move goes smooth and that you will get back to a t after your move. Thank you for posting and for asking your questions.

Gentle hugs.

dps