I wish I could say I didn't know what you're talking about. No matter how much I hear about dual diagnoses and the neutralizing effect of booze on antidepressants and mood stabilizers, red wine and bourbon still work better (and faster) for calming the anxiety than do the benzos. The depression eventually catches up with the drinking, but I guess part of the reason I don't quit is that otherwise the anxiety and feeling like I'm going to burst make me unhappy as well, just in a different way. I wish you the best in finding a healthier way of dealing with this-- and if you do, please let me know!