I am feeling lost and lonely trying not to cry I have to go to work I dont want to leave the house. I made a phone call to someone yesterday that I had been putting its was lovely to speak to them but they kept going on about beating my depression. I know how this will end when I can't become cheerful and upbeat after they have known me for a while they will gradually become distant and tell me that I need to change the way I think and forget stuff thats gone that I can do nothing about. I know all the stuff they say but its does not help the feelings do no go away and the thoughts no matter how positive I try are there and I cannot shake off anything I can just manage to keep going most days when really I just want to turn my face to the wall and not not move. Somtimes I feel that if I started to scream I would not be able to stop. I managed to write this without breaking into tears, its two days not that I have been able to control myslef and not cry although i can feel them welling up. I dread leaving the house this morning I am all knotted up inside I want to go back to bed and put my head under the cover and fall asleep and not wake up unless I'd awaken full of life and feeling ok. But I have to work. I am afraid of losing my job. Please pray for me or at least send me positive thoughts.